You’ve been introduced to 2 out of the 3 animals of the house, but I have yet to formally introduce Max. And with the story I have, this is as good of a time as any to do it.
Max is the cat of the house, and the oldest animal. He has been around for it all. Anyone who meets him, cat lover or hater, has to agree that Max is an exception to cats in general. Yes, he is a cat, but he doesn’t really act like it. He is a bit of a mystery, and completely fascinating. Because of this, I’ve determined that Max really needs his own honey badger video.
For the sad people who haven’t seen the video, here it is.
Max is unique like the honey badger. He sits on command. When he runs, he can sound like a herd of elephants. He is obsessed with the smell of bleach and house cleaners. He even drinks out of the toilet.
All of this makes him exceptionally hilarious to have around. But recently, he has been on a mission to get outside. He will dedicate hours to sitting by the front or back door just waiting for the opportunity to sneak out.
When he does manage to get out, all he wants to do is relax. In the backyard, he will jump up in a chair, lay down, and you’ll see him just taking in the world with his green eyes while his tail just bounces back and forth consistently. Because of this, you never really worry when he escapes, you just get annoyed if he decides to make it harder to pick him up by hiding in a bush.
So on Sunday morning when I didn’t wake up to Max’s HOWLING to get in the bedroom door, I immediately assumed the worst. A quick run through the house was made, checking all of his typical lounge spots. In the baskets, behind the blinds, the entertainment center. Walking around the backyard was next seeing if he escaped when the dogs were let out around midnight. No sign of Max. Panic starts to sink in.
The worst part? My brother is out of town and this is his cat. The cat escaped when I was in charge of the animals. Awesome.
Because he is a ninja cat, it is pretty easy for him to get out anytime the door opens to let the dogs out. He has escaped at night before, and found sitting in his chair lounging the next morning. The fact that he wasn’t around the house or yard wasn’t only strange, it was terrifying. He had never not been around.
Before the dreaded call to my brother happened, I decided to walk the neighborhood. Brandon watched one side of the street and I watched the other. Roads were driven with fear of seeing a dead cat. Sidewalks were walked with cat toys in hand and repeating “Max” in a high-pitched tone mimicking his meow.
After the call was made, Justin suggested getting tuna, Max’s favorite snack to see if he would show up. No luck. I ran to Walgreens and got more tuna, along with some anchovies, shrimp and salmon….trying anything and everything. I spread the juice over the sidewalks hoping it would spread the smell. The pungent reek of the anchovies didn’t bring Max, but it did attract other cats.
After hours of no luck, I decided it was time to make signs. It didn’t help that Max didn’t have a collar on. It also didn’t help that these were the only two pictures of Max available.
Do we want to use one of him sleeping where you really can’t tell him apart from any other cat, or do we want to use the one where he looks like he could kill you?
The first night was rough, getting our hopes up every time a cat would go for the tuna bait and then run away once the door opened.
I got a call on Monday from an unknown number and as I answered I tried not to get my hopes up that someone found Max. A young boy answered and asked if Max was still missing. When I said yes his response was “okay thanks bye.” Two minutes later he calls back asking if he could have one of Max’s cat toys for his dog to smell so they could walk around and look for Max.
I was really in no position to say no, plus it would make for an even better story if Max was found that way. It would be my pleasure for the kid to exchange the cat for money to buy a new video game. I gave him the address and told him I was on my way home and I would call him when I got home. Justin got home first and I told him to set a toy on the front porch. He saw three fifth grade boys sitting across the street with an old dachshund just waiting for the toy to be set on the porch. Dachshunds. The perfect cat hunting dogs.
Another night with no Max and hope was dwindling. Luckily the next-door neighbor trying to repair something in his backyard and SCREAMING cuss words constantly and repeatedly was a much-needed laugh.
Tuesday was back to work day and hope was pretty much gone.
Wednesday morning arrived and I was woken up by Brinkley barking at 6:30 am. He insisted on going outside an hour early. I let him out of his crate and opened the back door to be stunned by the sight of Max sitting at the door looking at me.
As if he was about to run off again, I grabbed him as fast as I could and I heard the familiar squeal come out of his just like every time I pick him up. I ran quickly to Justin’s room screaming “IT’S MAX! IT’S MAX!” and cat and owner embrace. Since he has been home, all he has wanted to do is drink water, and A LOT of it. His water bowl was refilled three times in the first hour and after it was empty again, he resorted to finding a Dickey’s cup filled with water to stick his head in and drink.
I’m writing this a few hours later and the high still isn’t gone. The ninja cat is back. He is now again around to hide and sneakily attack Brinkley then run off. It’s almost as if he was just waiting for our faith in him to be gone so that he could come back and say “HA HA suckers, told you I was a honey badger.”
I will gladly give him credit for surviving in the “wild” for three days, but let it be known that if it were up to me, he would have an embarrassing hot pink bell attached to his neck so that he would be too mortified to ever try the stunt again.
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